Skunks. (A nature writting for Creative Non Fiction)

Disclaimer… the following must be read in a Leesiana accent.

Skunks. Black, white, brown. They’s problems. And no it aint theys smell. Theys illegals. They take the jobs of nice, homebred and American, dogs and cats. Thinkin we want them as pets. We don’t want them as pets, we could do just fine without them. It’s rampant propaganda. I says we join those 30 other states that have taken this problem head on and do the only sensible restriction we could. NO IMMIGRATION.

Now I knows what you thinking. What’d the skunk ever do to us. It aint a matta of what they did or didn do. It a matter of morality. It aint about color, they just aint native. Sure, theys bes spoutin propaganda sayin they got 9 native species. But they’s weasels and nocturnal. That means theys shifty. Why can’t they work in the day? What they hidin. An look at what they eat. They ominvores, they eat anything. Thats Un-American!

And what kind of pet attacks with the wrong end? That just ain’t right, and well tween you an me, it almost seems… well, Indonesian or maybe Filipino. And we all know how unnatural their animals are. My guess is they doin some kinda genetic manipulation project designed to destroy American culture. By pollutin our pet stock. And that just aint natural.

So in conclusion, we need to kick ‘em out. Get rid of those illegals. It’s not they stink, nor they color, nor wha they did or didn do. Its morality. They propagandists, weasels, Indonesian or Filipino, but most of all, theys just unnatural.